Big news.
committers.top says I'm the #1 public GitHub contributor in Armenia. 🏆
Hold the applause. Hold the job offers. Hold the "do you even sleep?" questions. (Sometimes. In theory.)
Managers: you found a unicorn. A legend. A goolakh force of nature. Stop reading. Send LinkedIn DM: "Need 10x ninja ASAP."
Developers: hi. Inside joke time. Grab coffee. ☕
Certified goolakh ninja 💪
I am a "certified" 10x code Ninja goolakh software developer.
Proof on GitHub: the blockchain of developer ego (everyone can fork your delusions):
github.com/prazian/how_to_become_10x_developer
Not satire.
Okay, satire.
Enterprise-grade satire. Counts in 2026.
Path to 10x goolakh-ness
Official curriculum:
- No docs. (Job security max!)
- No tests. Prod only.
- No knowledge sharing. Ever.
- No life. Code on holidays.
- Messy git history? Who cares.
- More LOC = more metrics.
- "Yes boss!" to every Scrum Master.
- Memorize syntax. Type fast.
- Commit. Commit. Pushhhhhh.
More commits = more money. Science. Same science as horoscopes and quarterly OKRs.
"But 10x0 = 0!" Sure. But 0x10 = 16 = 2x Pizza Team Developer. 🍕🍕
Feel like 10x0=0 today? Reorder the operands. Management loves that.
Am I a goolakh ninja now?
Yes. No. Both.
Depends who asks, and if they know what git push means.
The #1 badge is real (sort of)
committers.top counts public GitHub activity. Not a joke.
What's funny/sad is how people read it:
- Managers: "Ships non-stop. Hire now."
- Devs: "Ah. Bots, CI, deps, automation, one typo fix at 2am."
Both valid. One group reads the diff.
Dashboards vs reality
Shiny badge. Shinier 10x cert. Uncomfortable truth:
| Dashboards love | Teams need |
|---|---|
| Commits | Impact |
| LOC added | Problems removed |
| Story points | Value |
| PR count | Fewer PRs |
| "Velocity" | Sustainable pace |
| Hours online | Hours saved by automation |
Vanity metrics = easy.
Real engineering = hard to slide-deck. Did we:
- Kill toil?
- Automate boring stuff?
- Make things safer?
- Help another dev ship faster?
- Delete code?
Deleting code doesn't rank on leaderboards. Tragic.
The goolakh secret: automation
High on the chart ≠ typing like a caffeinated piano player.
Deep allergy to doing the same thing twice.
CI. Lint. Tests. Release scripts. Small bots. Sensible commits. Tools do tedious work; humans think.
That's the real multiplier.
Not 10x mythology. Not hero culture. Not weekend martyrdom.
Automation + consistency + code the next person can read (yes, docs, sorry 10x gospel).
Want busy-looking team? Count commits.
Want forward-moving team? Count outcomes.
Note to hiring managers
Big number on a leaderboard? Ask one thing before the "rescue our 47 microservices" email:
"What produced those numbers?"
Maybe:
- Automated half the release ✅
- 400 bot dependency PRs ✅
- Force-pushed
main12x on Friday ❌ (different genre)
All look "active" from far away. One actually helps.
Secret truth 👇
You scrolled for the punchline. Here it is:
- Don't rank by commits.
- Don't rank by LOC.
- Impact > quantity.
- Quality is hard to measure, so lazy dashboards pick quantity.
- Quantity can be faked.
Proud to build from Armenia. Happy if public activity nudges others to ship, share, automate.
Just not the "no tests, no docs, push prod" part. That bit is a joke.
Someone will quote it in a perf review without reading the rest. I had to say it.
More reading
- CI/CD2 & Continuous Debment
- Scrum is a nice term to hide bad management
- To test or not to test
- Who really is a senior senior developer?
- Consistency: The key to growth!
All at pooyan.info/articles.
Want the official cert?
Graduation: one README, infinite confidence, manager who never opens the repo.
PS: Devs, thanks for getting the joke.
PPS: Managers still want to hire me? Good sign. You have humor.
